It has been such a long time since I have been able to write. There are a few things I am unwilling to give up in order to blog and those have been especially demanding lately. My beautiful son has turned 7 months (do you believe it!?) and my wonderful husband is working like mad. Let me tell you how I am feeling tonight. My husband has had an absolutely terrible work weekend, 12 hour shifts, back-breaking labor, very seldom complaints. He came home today exhausted and claiming that today was the worst day he has had in months (this is a big deal, his job is terrible). The morning was awakened by getting yelled at for someone else's mistakes, it continued by having to run around trying to fix those mistakes, and then it was solidified when they discovered that their work conditions are being tightened ("Fear needs to be the primary motivator for hard work again"). Ugh. Did I mention that after he got done with the worst day ever, he just got a call to come back in? Cue- military wife's fake smile.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because not only is it on my mind, but it solidified to me that there will always be things in life that fight to steal truth. Every day, people dress to impress. To me that means they dress for someone else. For some, that isn't unfortunate. But for those with uniform jobs, there is a desire for faceless workers. Jobs desire robots, they desire clones. Every day these bosses require their employees to fit the box and every day they push everyone to be "uniform." My business coaches often say, "we all are born as individuals and die as clones." Not only are we required to fit in, but we are asked to apologize if we don't! This is disheartening in all regards. But be careful to understand, however, that I don't expect anything more from jobs, the military, or society. It is their job to maintain order and uphold a consistent standard. But I want to encourage that you don't allow your person to stop at their boundaries. When you leave your office, flightline, or store, find somewhere to release yourself. Find out who you are and push that piece of yourself further. Because if you don't intentionally pursue that piece at night, you will turn into the photocopy you are demanded to be during the day. And losing the true you would be a deep travesty.
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." - Psalms 139:14-16
There will be days of discouragement. When every time you turn around another tiny explosion is in need of an extinguisher. When the wind seems a bit colder and the truth seems a little less true. When the sun seems to constantly be hidden or your shield seems a bit less effective. There are those days when your sweats are your only clothing of choice and when your ego dips below the line of sane.
But it is these days that require the most strength. It is these days when you want to punch back, but often the effort it requires seems a bit more than you can muster. But you have to. You have to get up. You have to feel better. You have to endure. Because the bad is nothing compared to the good. And the good is worth pushing for. Your best isn't easy, but it's possible. And possibility is all that matters when a winner is searching for a win.
Sometimes we lose sight of our potential capabilities because they don't define where we are right now. Right now we have a stained face from all the Cheetos and ice cream and the mirror is telling us that our current lack of beauty is the best it will ever be. But the truth is that behind all of the stains, behind all the tatters, behind all the tears, there is real unbridled potential waiting to get out; just waiting to be released. But the bad days are a test. The bad days are a question of how badly you want it. Do you want it? Do you want to be strong? Do you want to be proud of you? Because being proud of you takes work. Not because you aren't worthy of pride, but because there are lies swarming you, day in and day out. There are reasons to quit, all you have to do is pay attention. But if you focus on that shimmer streaking through the trees, if you focus on the truth, it is there you will find your beauty. Only there will you understand the meaning of all the trouble. Because only through trouble will greatness be found. Diamonds are made by squeezing them under 725,000 pounds of pressure per square inch. Can you withstand the pressure? Can you overcome the bad days? Can you overcome the mistakes? Humans need to withstand pressure in order to become great. Only with conquering pressure without breaking will we shine.
"There is gold, and an abundance of jewels; But the lips of knowledge are a more precious thing." -Proverbs 20:15
A few days ago I heard a speaker discussing emotions. Love is obviously an emotion and a very important one at that. So if we want to learn to love ourselves then we need to learn to control our emotions. The speaker said that if we want to learn to control our emotions we first need to learn to control our thoughts, because all emotions come from thoughts. This was pretty profound in my world. Let me share the example he used.
He explained that the engine of a plane is held on by four bolts. Four bolts! That's it! My husband, who works on the C17 (second largest cargo plane in the Air Force) confirmed this fact. Knowing this, it would seem likely if not probable that the engine would just fall out the bottom of the plane. I don't know how the plane is structured, it may be physically improbable, but lets say for example's sake that this is what you believed. This thought could cause fear. The fear would grow every time you thought of flying and that plane plummeting to the ground engine-less. Ridiculous? Maybe. But the reality is that this fear started with a mere thought. A belief that grew into a reality. Every emotion begins that way. If we can be intentional about our thoughts, we can be intentional about our emotions.
If I want to love myself I need to start with my thoughts. I need to think good of myself in order to love myself. That is an absolute fact. You cannot love yourself and think bad of yourself constantly. Your belief will be undermined by your thoughts. It is a daily process of consistent effort. It is worth it, but it is not easy.
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
I am going to be very real with you for a second. People will always find what they are looking for. Whether it be good or bad, it can be discovered. That is a very dangerous thing. If people want to believe bad, they will find what they need to back it up. Knowing this, we need to be very very careful when using principles to define our life. Principles are so important in guiding us where we need to go and keeping us on track. Unfortunately, when our principles are off, it can guide us off the path and keep us there with accidental false justifications.
Best example? Think about an argument that you have had recently. If you are too holy to argue with the likes of mere mortals, observe us mortals fight. Almost absolutely, if the two part mid-argument, they will run somewhere (or to someone) and voice their case. And dependent on who they run to (themselves or others), their case can be either strengthened or overthrown. The reality is that regardless of what they find, they will find what they are looking for.
The reason I am bringing this up is that lately I have been told that I need to be careful to make sure I am pursuing contentedness. I wholeheartedly agree. Probably not in the context they are using it, however. I believe God put us on the earth to grow and change until the day we die. I believe that He has a plan for me to not remain stationary, but to be constantly moving. This doesn't mean that I am not content, this means that I am progressive. Content in my world means that I am happy with where I am at right now, but knowing that my place right now is not where God wants me to be in a few years. This means that regardless of how far away from perfection I am, this place right now is where I need to be. Not that I am content with staying here forever, but right here, right now, this is where I belong. I am not pursing a destination, I am pursuing the pursuit. It is in this pursuit that I am content. I am saying this, not because I have achieved this, but because I want to rid myself of any excuse I can make to not strive. There are many reasons not to strive, but there are far more to push. We just have to clear our lenses and walk the line.
"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth." -2 Timothy 2:5
What a learning process this has been for me. It has been really hard lately to stay consistent with my blog. I guess this is the perfect opportunity to discuss how easy it is to fall off the wagon and how much easier it is to stay off than get back on at times. Life has been so busy lately and keeping up has been a mere pipe dream. And I only have one sweet little bug. I cannot imagine how fully my life is going to speed up when we add more kids to the mix! Regardless, life will always be busy if there isn't direct intentionality. Someone once said that everyone has the same 24 hours in the day. That is unchangeable. What is important is what you do with them.
It seems so often the line between what we can control and what we can't gets all blurred and we end up blaming the world for the things we can change and taking credit for the things we can't. One of the most valuable things we can do in life is decipher the difference. Why is it so valuable? Because without deciphering the difference, we are bound to live a stress-filled life. We will constantly have no control of our life or the things in it because we focus on changing the things that we can't, or more honestly, the things that don't matter.
I recently went to lunch with a mother of three and one on the way. She calmly sat sipping her tea beside me as her kids terrorized the landscape and made me question my desire to have anymore than the single angel baby that we have right now. "How do you stay so calm?" I inquired, utterly and completely inquisitive. She smiled softly (with tired eyes) and replied, "I pick my battles."
What truth there is in that! How much havoc and stress could we save ourselves if we could do the same in life. Imagine looking at the next stressor that came along and instead of letting that terrorize your sanity, calmly recognizing that as a battle not worth investing into?
I don't know about you, but I am very focused on living a stable and productive life. A life of consistent success. Not that I wouldn't fail, but that I would be consistently progressing. This is only achieved by directed intentions. And the only way to receive directed intentions is by constantly plugging into truth (in our parenting, self-esteem, marriage, and otherwise). It is interesting that whenever we invest in truth, the more truth we discover and the more lies we invest in, the more lies we discover. We can achieve stability, but only with consistent focus. Focus on the good.
"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." Colossians 3:2
Growth is unfortunately a very slow process. A perfect illustration of this was my desire to become a professional dancer. My dream was formed when I was in high school. I don't even remember the specific moment, but all I knew was that I wanted it. Every night when my family went to bed, I would push all the furniture aside and dance in front of the windows until I was worn out and my desire was fulfilled enough to wait for it another day. I loved that time in front of the reflecting windows so much that when it was time to find a college I searched every dance program that I could to find a program that someone with a lot of passion but no experience could get into. I was embarrassed of my lack of experience and ability, but I wanted dance enough to make a fool of myself. Long story short, I attended a college right over the Wisconsin border and auditioned my way into their program. It was a supreme success. Several years into the program, however, they had audition opportunities to work with professional dancers. I auditioned and got an understudy position. Honestly, I was distraught, because although it was an honor, it wasn't the greatness I was hoping for. To this day I remember one of the professional dancers coming over to me after the positions had been announced. She recognized my disappointment and looked me square in the eye and said, "Brittany, this is a huge honor and opportunity you have. I can't tell you how many understudy positions I held before I got to where I am now. This is your opportunity to do something great. Don't underestimate this time to grow." It was a slap in the face. Just because I worked hard, doesn't mean I deserved that position. In reality, I underestimated the time and effort it took to do my dream. I expected my dream to fall into my lap, and unfortunately (or fortunately), that isn't how life works. We have to work for what we want... hard and for a long time. If it was easy, everyone would have their dreams.
Well, it has now been years since then. I let go of that dream to pursue a deeper one: motherhood. I can honestly tell you that motherhood requires more of me than dancing ever did. If we aren't careful, passion can be all about selfish desires. At least it was for me. We want to achieve something for ourselves. But motherhood takes me beyond that to a place of selflessness daily. Everyday I embrace the fact that my desires and needs are secondary to a piece of my heart that yearns more deeply for my son than I ever have for myself. Not that he would achieve some magnificent future, but that he would be cared for and loved. I have the same desire for my husband.
Be mindful of the fact that those who pursue their dreams first are not any lesser. For in reality, we are all just looking for the same thing. We are looking for our heart to be fulfilled. Is there any greater feeling than that? And regardless of whether or not you agree with my method of achieving that, religion or none, you get there by constant focus and baby steps. Even in the hardest days, may your heart speak louder than your head. May you constantly remember your purpose for living every day. And may you find your will to live this life as you were intended to, for only then will you be fulfilled.
-"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." -Psalms 37:4
