Dance Your Heart Out

Growth is unfortunately a very slow process.  A perfect illustration of this was my desire to become a professional dancer.  My dream was formed when I was in high school.  I don't even remember the specific moment, but all I knew was that I wanted it.  Every night when my family went to bed, I would push all the furniture aside and dance in front of the windows until I was worn out and my desire was fulfilled enough to wait for it another day.  I loved that time in front of the reflecting windows so much that when it was time to find a college I searched every dance program that I could to find a program that someone with a lot of passion but no experience could get into.  I was embarrassed of my lack of experience and ability, but I wanted dance enough to make a fool of myself.  Long story short, I attended a college right over the Wisconsin border and auditioned my way into their program.  It was a supreme success.  Several years into the program, however, they had audition opportunities to work with professional dancers.  I auditioned and got an understudy position.  Honestly, I was distraught, because although it was an honor, it wasn't the greatness I was hoping for.  To this day I remember one of the professional dancers coming over to me after the positions had been announced.  She recognized my disappointment and looked me square in the eye and said, "Brittany, this is a huge honor and opportunity you have.  I can't tell you how many understudy positions I held before I got to where I am now.  This is your opportunity to do something great.  Don't underestimate this time to grow."  It was a slap in the face.  Just because I worked hard, doesn't mean I deserved that position.  In reality, I underestimated the time and effort it took to do my dream.  I expected my dream to fall into my lap, and unfortunately (or fortunately), that isn't how life works.  We have to work for what we want... hard and for a long time.  If it was easy, everyone would have their dreams.  

Well, it has now been years since then.  I let go of that dream to pursue a deeper one: motherhood.  I can honestly tell you that motherhood requires more of me than dancing ever did.  If we aren't careful, passion can be all about selfish desires.  At least it was for me.  We want to achieve something for ourselves.  But motherhood takes me beyond that to a place of selflessness daily.  Everyday I embrace the fact that my desires and needs are secondary to a piece of my heart that yearns more deeply for my son than I ever have for myself.  Not that he would achieve some magnificent future, but that he would be cared for and loved.  I have the same desire for my husband.  

Be mindful of the fact that those who pursue their dreams first are not any lesser.  For in reality, we are all just looking for the same thing.  We are looking for our heart to be fulfilled.  Is there any greater feeling than that?  And regardless of whether or not you agree with my method of achieving that, religion or none, you get there by constant focus and baby steps.  Even in the hardest days, may your heart speak louder than your head.  May you constantly remember your purpose for living every day.  And may you find your will to live this life as you were intended to, for only then will you be fulfilled. 

-"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." -Psalms 37:4