Wake of Self-Pity

There is nothing quite so off-putting as someone who is indulging in self-pity.  I will not go into illustrating a person driven by this mentality, because I am sure you have experienced one.  They are victims of sort.  Some that drive their acceptance and feelings of love off of getting the sympathy of others.  It is a personality trait that becomes draining on others and quickly overshadows the good in you, if you aren't careful.

My reason for bringing this up is not to illuminate the flaws in others, but help to illustrate this mentality so I can better identify it in myself.  The reason for this is not just for self-awareness, but because this is one of the most harmful emotions I could ever become accustomed to possessing.  Self-pity not only focuses on the negative, but also shrinks my own ability to overcome it.  Focusing on problems is like fertilizing them.  I don't know if you know much about how the farming process works, but being from a small country town, it is one of familiarity.  Fertilizer = poop.  The more poop, the more growth.  In plants this is good, in negative focus, not so much.  What it comes down to, though, is whatever I focus on will grow.  I have control.  

I read an interesting quote: "Over the years, we have occasionally wondered why others seem to have so many more problems than we do.  We've finally come to the conclusion that we don't have fewer problems; we just don't allow the problems we have to get us down or distract us from what we believe is important."  -John C. Maxwell

Problems shrink when they are eclipsed by our successes.  It is my job to direct my focus on the good and the infinite potential.  Unfortunately, there is something alluring about the negative.  It almost feels good to have problems and to get attention from them.  Sort of like a child receiving temporary comfort from a parent.  But when I stay tuned in on getting up and moving on, I will be far stronger than wallowing in the wake of disaster.  Only in the discomfort of the heavy waves will I develop the muscles needed to succeed.  Only then will I be strong.

-"James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes in the Dispersion: Greetings. Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ..." -James 1:1-27 ESV

Better's Risk

One of my greatest flaws is doubt.   "There is either all in or all out, there is no in between."  I recently heard that on a success CD and it took me a while to decide whether or not I agreed.  But the longer I reflected on it, the truer it became.  There is either all in or all out, there is no in between.  I so often get caught up in the kindas, maybes, and somedays.  What a dangerous road that is.  If I allow my future to be determined by maybe, it has a minimal chance of success.  Maybe leaves my future to fate or chance.  That is, by nature, all out.  "I will" is, by nature, all in.

The best example that I can give is to compare this to poker.  If you know the game in a gambling sense (I honestly have never played, but to my knowledge, this is how it is done) you know that everyone in the game has poker chips.  The amount of chips you bet corresponds to the belief you have that you can win.  The more chips, the more belief.  The term "all in" is coined in poker to say that you are betting everything on the success of that single hand.  There is risk.  Just like in life, when I take a chance on me I am risking that I could be not worth the risk.  And doubt would have me believe that.  But having faith can move mountains.  

Being all in means that I am willing to sacrifice in order to achieve my goal.  It is not up to nature or circumstance, it is up to me.  I will have a good day.  I will become a leader.  I will love me.  These things often require effort, not immediate gratification.  Declaring that you will do or be something means you are willing to pay the consistency to achieve that accomplishment.

I will love myself.  Every day when I have nothing but criticism, I will replace the criticism with encouragement.  When I doubt my ability, it adjusts to match my doubt.  Doubt will characteristically make me all out.  Why?  Because on the hard days when the progress isn't what I desire, I will start to question the point to trying.  This is a slippery slope, that if not readjusted, will destroy my efforts.  I need to be proactive in believing in my capability.  I need to overcome the doubt.  Only then will stand at the height that I am capable of.

"So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." -Matthew 17:20 NKJV

The Illusory Cage

So I completed a full blog yesterday and deleted it, because it wasn't perfect.  If that isn't raw criticism, I don't know what is.  Onward I progress, observing clearly that I haven't achieved the perfection that I am striving for, nor will I.  The beauty of progress, however, is that it doesn't lead me to a destination, but more progress.  If it was perfection that I reached, there would be no point to the life remaining.  

It is funny how I can agree with something, yet still not believe it to the core.  I believe in myself, yet still doubt myself deep down.  In order to change the pieces within me, I need constant repetition of the truth.  The truth that I have been focused on lately is creating me into the person that I am supposed to be and part of that is letting go of the pieces that hold me back.

I recently was told a story of a tribe that was trying to capture monkeys to learn more about them.  They used a standard trap with the bait placed between a box and the ground.  The monkeys were too clever and would reach under the box and retrieve the bait without going under themselves.  The natives came up with an ingenious idea to put the bait in a cage with slots in the side.  The monkeys would be able to fit their hand between the slots, but the slots were too close together to fit the bait back through.  Well, the monkeys were too greedy to let go of the bait, so they stood there until they were captured.  

The monkeys were self-confined.  They could move on, but they remained stationary and focused more on the unchangeable.  In a similar way, it is so easy to allow offenses from the past to define the future.  If I remain focused on the past, I will forever be chained to the ground, unable to grow and move forward.  In order to harness my full potential, I have to let go of the things that are caging me to my past.  There is a certain freedom waiting in the release of pain.  No one can free me but me.  It's time to let go. 

"Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons... Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart." -Psalm 107: 10-14

New Growth

Today I was reading further in the book the 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth and it encouraged the reader to write a list of your 100 best qualities.  100!  As I started in on my list, I realized that I was doing yet another activity in the quest to advance my self-esteem.  What is with all the activities, you may ask?  If I expect to grow, I need to do more than fill myself fat with information.  If I never apply what I am learning, the information itself does me no good.  If a farmer goes and reads daily about crops, but never actually gets out and plants anything, he will never see a harvest.  Nor should he expect to.  It is the same way in advancing my self-esteem.  The problem is, advancing my self-esteem requires mental growth, so it is often assumed that reading something alone will achieve this.  The truth is, it doesn't.  Reading about self-esteem informs you about it, it doesn't improve your own love for yourself.  If I want to love myself more, I need to invest in myself.  As John Maxwell states, "if you do not value yourself, you will have a very difficult time adding value to yourself."  So I need to try.  I need to make the effort.  Not just read, but apply.  

If I expect to grow a harvest, I need to do the planting.  Daily, everyone is given opportunities to respond to life.  Even if you sat on a couch and watched T.V. all day, you are still responding to the decision to do that over something else.  Everyday, we decide to either progress or digress.  Anything that isn't growing is dying.  How often do you see a plant that stays the same size for years?  Or a child?  It doesn't happen.  Yet as adults, we assume if we stay in one spot, that our momentum and mentalities will stay the same.  The scary part is that they won't.  Growth is intentional when we reach adulthood.  And going to work, if it is a standard job, won't grow you.  It will just tire you out so that you feel like doing nothing when you get home.  I worked to get where I am right now.  I already know how it feels to give up, I already know how it feels to procrastinate.  I already know how it feels to be stagnant.  I choose to be progressing.

"The seed which fell among the thorns, these are the ones who have heard, and as they go on their way they are choked with worries and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to maturity. But the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance." -Luke 8:14-15

One Word

When I was a young girl we were asked to do an exercise in school.  Every student in the class was asked to pick a single word starting with the same letter as our first name that could be used to describe ourselves.  At the time we all thought it was a silly exercise and spent time giggling to one another about the many options.  To this day, I still remember the word that I chose.  Brilliant Brittany.  

I actually had forgotten all about that exercise until I was reading the 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth and it asked the reader to do a similar exercise.  Pick a single word that describes yourself.  Do you want to know what word immediately popped into my brain?  Brilliant.  

It is amazing what power assigning a single word to ourselves has.  Subconsciously, that word has molded me and sought to stay the center of my understanding of myself.  When all the negative came pouring in through life, that single word stayed embedded in my psyche.

What power positive talk has on our ability.  My business coach recommended that I assign a single word to the year.  So at the start of the year, I picked reliable.  Why reliable?  Because I want to be a reliably pursuing, reliably producing, and reliably encouraging.  There is a certain strength that distraction has at derailing you from your goals.  With my single word, I can stay focused, stay intent, stay alert.  With reliability in my sight, it forces me to analyze the decisions that I make daily.  If I can ensure that my decisions line up with my single word, it forces me to be constantly productive.  One step further, if I can make sure that my To Do list aligns with my goal, I know that I am effective, not just busy.

It is my goal to be the best me that I can be.  That requires that I am focused and goal orientated.  It requires that I know me and that I don't stand in my own way.  My goal is intentionality and grace, so that even in the difficult of times, my vision stays grounded. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." -Proverbs 3:6

Preservation

My focus is on progressing me, my dreams, and my vision.  Quite honestly, I have encountered a drastic change since the beginning of my journey.  Daily I indulge in some sort of self-encouragement and daily I immerse myself in the battle of overcoming the mind.  The mind is where the battle is won, long before the flesh.  It is where we decide our capability and our future.  The mind is where we develop motivation, self-confidence, and a dream.  But we have to overcome the bad in order to achieve the good.

Tonight I was talking to my husband (who has been in Special Forces training) and he was explaining that when your mind comes against progress, it is actually a way of self preservation.  If we were still in the wild, battling off the elements, it would be in our best interest to find safety and quit far before we are out of energy.  It is this design that motivates us to find shelter and safety in the heat of the hunt. 

 Another perfect example of this is the cell phone alerting as it nears a dead battery.  You could have an entire hour left of power, yet it notifies you frequently of the coming end.  Interestingly enough, most phones are designed to have a feature that saves a tiny bit of power even after it shuts off in case you need to dial 911.    

This is self-preservation.  We desire to give up, we are told to give up, long before we meet our necessary end.  In order to reach our full potential we need to push beyond our panicky mind and realize our capability is more than our brain wants us to think.  We are no longer living in a survival world, we are living in an information world.  In order to succeed here we need to push beyond the fear and misperceived capability to our true potential.  It is there we will find our intended greatness.  It is in our weakness we will be strong.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29

Mental Aiming

I am not a widow, nor do I understand the pain that accompanies losing your partner in life.  But I have heard some interesting, and heartbreaking, things that go along with coping with it.  One of the greatest feelings that has been identified among the mourning is that they feel guilty being happy; as if they are doing some injustice to their spouse for trying to be content without them around.  I can understand in partiality (as well as anyone with half a picture), but in reality, the only thing that I can do is try to relate it to my own life regardless of how pathetic that comparison is.

One of the greatest things I am learning when trying to focus on my self-esteem is that there are minimizers of my self-esteem.  A perfect example of this is a mentality that I have carried with me all these years.  I have a strong desire to please others.  As I have mentioned before, this is a complete waste of time, because the only person that can control their opinions is themselves.  Let them handle them.  Regardless, I have discovered that my people-pleasing ways have some more ramifications on my self-esteem.  Just as someone mourning, I don't grant myself permission for progress.  I have never given myself permission to work on my self-esteem for fear that people would view me as pompous.  

There are so many reasons why this mentality is ridiculous, but yet I still allowed it to be used as a valid excuse to control my progress.  I need to be so careful to watch out for unreasonable mentalities or my base on reality will be completely skewed.  Not to mention, that I won't be progressing to my potential.  

There are so many mentalities that I am allowing to control me, that without intentional focus, will continue to skew me further from reality.  If I intend to move forward, I need to aim and jump, reaim and jump.  Every leap needs to be set up, or I will be moving the wrong way and quickly.  Focus is so essential.  So here it is, me striving... intentionally and directionally aligned.      

"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we aremembers of one another." Ephesians 4:25

The Ugly... Swan?

I have a good friend that had a colorful tattoo on her arm.  It was one she got in high school, a mere trend at the time.  It wasn't enormous, but every time she looked in the mirror, she regretted the decision to get it.  The sad part is, tattoos are permanent.  You can attempt to get them removed, but as far as I am told, there will always be faint ink remaining.  She decided that instead of getting it removed, she would get a new tattoo over the top and create it into a tree, bold and beautiful.  The original tattoo is still there, but it has been rejuvenated into something she is proud of.  In an obvious way we need to stop dreading the regrets staring back at us in the mirror.  I think there is serious danger in seeing ourselves through the lens of criticism and assuming that our faults will never improve.  The sad part that I am discovering is that the worst flaw that I could ever have is not loving myself.  Why do I say that?  Because it inhibits all growth, positivity, and success.  If I were to desire for someone to fail, the greatest way of ensuring my success is to get them to believe in their own falsified insignificance. 

The scary part is, the devil probably believes in my capability more than I do.  If he didn't, he wouldn't spend so much time trying to convince me otherwise.

The biggest lesson I have learned in the last few months is how powerful my thoughts are.  If I want more, I have to make more and that starts in my mind.  As Zig Ziglar says, "It is impossible to consistently behave in a manner that is inconsistent with how we see ourselves.  We can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves."

It is obvious that I want to grow, but at times it isn't clear how.  It requires adopting a new mentality and an entirely new way of operating.  Sadly, I have been operating incorrectly for the last twenty something years and I need to readjust my focus.  Knowing this, the only way I am going to achieve this goal is by identifying the places and times I am most susceptible to thinking negatively.  The number one place is the mirror.  I need to be intentional about turning my place of negativity into something productive and positive.  I am learning to turn my reflection into a place of encouragement.  I am learning to be rejuvenated.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

The Time Catcher

Has it really been two days since I wrote last?  My mind is trying to catch up with life, but it seems that is only a feat left for the someday long from now.  Edric, my son, turned 6 months old today.  Honestly, they have been the fasted 6 months of my life.  It seems when you want time to go slower, it speeds up.  But that is the truth of it all, right?  I have to spend my time pursuing something and achieving something before I run out of time.  This is my time.  Now.  The longer I spend putting off the difficult things, the less time I have to spend doing the things that really matter.  Living is a sort of entitlement.  Living well is something that is fought for.

Today I started my day making a list of the things that make me unique.  It is things that make me special and allow me to fulfill the purpose I was designed for.  As a society, we spend too much time fitting into the mold and not embracing the special pieces deep down inside.  It sounds ridiculous, but seriously.  Since when is something that is more common more valued?  There is a law: scarcity creates value.  If we shy away from the things about us that are unique and special, we will never understand our true value.

Think about anything.  The more common it is, the less it is worth.  It doesn't make any sense to try and replicate another person.  You will never be able to be them as good as they can.  By law, you will then never be your best, or their best.

A friend of mine recently bought his wife a new car.  When he bought it, he flew across the state and drove 6 hours back in the new vehicle, all in secret.  He could have bought practically the exact car in same town that he lived in.  It would have been a lot easier, but he didn't.  He went all that way to buy the mercedes with a color unique to that vehicle.  It was a rarity.  It was special.  It is amazing how far someone will go, and how much someone will do for something of rarity and value.  

The sooner we can identify our value, the further we will go to harness our success.  It is out there.  But the less we think of ourselves, the less it is worth fighting for.  Our capability doesn't change whether or not we think it's great.  Our chances of reaching that capability is less, but the capability itself is not.  I would rather think I am more capable than I really am and be wrong then think I am less capable and be wrong.  If I am going to be wrong, I might as well achieve the highest that I possibly can.  

I am fighting for belief.  I am fighting for my time.  I am fighting for my life.

-"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." -Psalms 90:12

Where I am

"You must have some kind of criteria for knowing if 

the desire you have matches the ability you possess."

-John C. Maxwell

I realized that I have spent a lot of time trying to appeal to others in my blog and not being as focused on my own personal journey.  In thinking about it, I realized that the point of my blog is to motivate others based on my story, not based on my words.  With this in mind, I want to streamline my focus back to its origin.

I have been reading several books lately emphasizing personal awareness and growth (Your Personality Tree and The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth).  Both of which I would recommend to anyone else looking to seriously make over their understanding of themselves.

The quote above I got from the 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.  I think I spend a lot of time doing one of two things.  The first of which is underestimating myself.  I recently was told a quote which said that an entrepreneur is someone that jumps off of a cliff and builds the bridge on the way down (To which my analytical husband heard and altered bridge to parachute, because bridges need the support of a solid point... Uhbub..).  Regardless, the point remains the same.  My focus needs to stretch in order to achieve the greatness I was intended for.  I will build my capability along the way, but I need to step out in faith and know that my growth will happen.  Which brings me to my second fatal flaw, becoming excited and having my excitement outweigh reality.  I cannot tell you how many times I get really excited about something, for instance, fitness.  I wanted so badly to get my body back after pregnancy that I decided, around the first trimester, that I would run a half marathon for the first time 3 months after having my son.  You want to know what happened?  I had a 8lb 12oz bouncing baby boy and I was still recovering by the time the third month rolled around.  Accurate understanding of my ability?  Not at all.  This lack of understanding causes major problems because I am either achieving the bare minimum or being disappointed by my lack of achieving my lofty goals.  Not much room for growth in esteem there. 

This is because I don't have an accurate criteria for measuring my goals vs. my ability.  In all honesty, I don't know the answer.  But the way I am going to proceed is to put myself around a community of people that are confident in their abilities and have achieved the things that I want to.  We often get so caught up in paving our own path that we miss the tracks right next to us.  So my goal right now is to embrace the good leadership surrounding me and know that my dreams are valid, it is the time frame that may be foggy.  

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." -Titus 2:3-5

Empowered Compassion

I listen to CDs with inspirational speakers.  They are a great way to encourage positive input and learn from smart people.  One speaker in particular had just had a baby and ended up crying throughout her entire speech.  The audience responded in sweet understanding tears, meanwhile, I turned to Marcus and stated, "Wow, she is going to be embarrassed tomorrow!"  My skin was crawling for her as she continued in her overemotional speech.  Many months later (i.e. two days ago), I listened to the same CD again.  When she started in her heartfelt story, instead of cringing, I teared up and listened to her words intently.  The change in my reaction almost startled me.  What allows for this difference?

It was then that I found out something cool.  It was me.  I had changed and gotten stronger.  Instead of feeling sorry for her, I felt honored that she would share a piece of her heart with others.  It was my strength in myself that allowed me to glean the importance of her speech without my own insecurities getting in my way.  You see, people reflect their heart.  I was (and still am to a point) embarrassed about demonstrating any sort of behavior that is controversial.  Emotions are very controversial, so I am very apt to feel insecure and embarrassed when I display them.  I reflected this embarrassment onto her.  Ever heard the phrase hurt people hurt people?  This is such a good indication of how we as humans operate.  

We operate in a world where we innately believe everyone thinks and feels the way that we do.  That is fortunately and unfortunately not the case.  You determine which one it is.  

My point is, however, that we need to learn to operate in a loving mentality, primarily to us.  When we are able to love ourselves effectively, loving others naturally come.  The more you dislike yourself, the more you will dislike others.  Someone once told me that we don't like the traits in others that we don't like about ourselves.  Are you too pushy?  Chances are that pushy people will be some of the most irritating people to you.  It is amazing how people become so much more likable when we have a love for yourself.  Seeing as how being around others is practically inevitable, do yourself a favor and love you.  At the very least it will make life so much more fun.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6

Into the Light

"Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light and whatever you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear."

-Luke 12:3

My initial reaction to this verse is that I shouldn't say anything negative about others.  Gossip is a practice that I strive to not engage in, so that tends to be my focus when I read verses such as these.  In general, we always interpret verses in a way that relates to our greatest focus.  Because of this, my initial interpretation is negative thoughts.  Ironically though, my recent focus on the positive brought about a new side of this verse that I haven't addressed before (enter the beauty of Bible verses).  

Whatever positive we say, whatever praises we pray, whatever love we embrace, so will come to light.  Often times we get caught up in the immediate gratification of affirmation.  There is nothing wrong with affirmation, until that becomes our sole motivation.  If we are living off of affirmations all the time, we begin to have an inconsistent life because there is no motivation to live true in the shadows as well as the light.  

A perfect example of this are those people that have closet addictions.  We have all heard of them, they sit in their house late at night and engage in their secret alone.  All their friends worry about them, because their behavior seems odd.  I will admit that at the beginning of our marriage I fought the fear of being considered lazy.  It wasn't so much being lazy that I was afraid of, but being seen that way.  Right after we got married, we moved to Washington State and I didn't have a job yet.  While Marcus was away at work, I would do chores around the house and run out of things to do, so I would sit down and watch T.V.  He had a rather noisy car back then and when I heard him pull in, I would quick flip off the T.V. and act busy.  Ridiculous, right?  To this day I still have the urge to do this.  The funny thing is that he has voiced the fact that I could sit around the house doing nothing all day long and his love wouldn't change.  (Take a good look, ladies... Quality man right there.)  I am happy to say I take this as a reason to work harder, not less.  I digress.  

My point is that as much as I wanted to keep my lack of work secret, it didn't matter to the one I was trying to impress.  Sometimes we go to so much work to conceal something that only matters to the insecurities looking at you in the mirror everyday.  If I spent as much time on enhancing the beauties in my life as I did concealing the secrets, I would be twice as far as I am today.  And the kicker is that I am a goodie-two-shoes and don't have much to conceal other than insecure fears!  Stop hiding, stop waiting, start showing.  The more we are real, the more beautiful life will be and the more of an opportunity you will have to realize how great you are. 

Those People

Have you ever met that overly positive person?  That bubbly sole that makes you feel uncomfortable when you don't support their enthusiastic cause?  It is amazing the control they have over the room.  They become the effecter of the atmosphere.  No matter where they go, they aren't influenced by the negativity and pessimism of others.

Me being not an entirely positive person all the time, occasionally I find these people annoying... and slightly frustrating.  I mean who, honestly, can be that happy all the time!?  But that impact on me is honestly jealousy.  I have a desire to be like that, but instead of creating myself to be more like that, I hate on the positive person.  

How ridiculous is that?  Now don't be judging, all you haters out there.  You do it too.  The reality is that there are always people that are positive when you want to be pessimistic.  And this annoys the living snot off of most people.  I could be alone on this theory, but I like to think I am not the only judgmental person out there.  

When I was younger, my brother and I used to get into fights.  I remember one time in particular, he started acting perfectly happy and unaffected in the middle of our argument.  Has anyone ever done that to you?  That made me furious!  How dare he be happy when I am so not.  

Funny when we think about it, right?  Misery loves company?  Seriously, if we could take all the energy we expend hating on others and their goodness and use it to fuel our own growth, think of how far we would be!  What a phenomenal concept, right?  I don't know when mankind started this competition against each other, but it is ridiculous!  We need to embrace the good.  The smiles, the optimism, the beauty of others.  Embrace it all.  Because if we focus on the good, sooner or later, we will be exhibiting it too.  

"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." -Mark 12:31

Expect

We had a dog living with us for a little over a week.  She was a sweet little thing and shuffled around our house like a happy little clam.  It didn't change our life too much, but when she left, it took me a few days to get used to her absence.  It was this adjustment that aided in coming up with a simple discovery about life.  And that discovery was is follows.

You always hear that it takes 21 days to form a habit.  And while that isn't true (it actually depends on the habit you are trying to establish, (Lally, 998-1009)), I don't think that accurately depicts the whole story.  You see, one is often motivated by expectations.  That is why ruts are such a common occurrence.  People, whether they like it or not, follow their expectations, because expectations are comfortable and it is within human tendency to live within comfort.

So what does this have to do with anything?  So sweet of you to ask.  Based on how quick I adjusted to having a dog around all the time, it seems much quicker to adjust your expectations than your habits.  Knowing that your habits are built on expectations, it is within our best interests to expect great things.  We need to fill our expectations with the habits we want to develop.  

Let me give you an example.  Say I want to get in better shape.  I need to start encouraging myself to workout daily.  This encouragement becomes an expectation after it has been supported by action a few days in a row.  This expectation develops into a habit.  

Now when it comes to my self-esteem, I need to expect that my capability is high.  This has always been daunting to me, because I don't like being disappointed.  I often link my failure to my inability.  But if I develop my esteem properly, my disappointments won't be a reflection of me, but an occupational hazard of striving.

So my goal from here on out is to establish a thought process that encourages positive expectations.  In me, in others, in life.  Because only then will I truly embrace all I was made for.

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." -Philippians 1:20



Cited: Lally, Philippa, Cornelia Van Jaarsveld, Henry W.W. Potts, and Jane Waardle. "How Are Habits Formed: Modelling Habit Formation in the Real World†." How Are Habits Formed: Modelling Habit Formation in the Real World. N.p., 6 July 2009. Web. 11 Jan. 2015.

Directing Reliability

I guarantee there are people who need to work on their self-esteem that are joyfully reading along with my blog, not applying a single thing that I am writing.  That is ok, because this is my journey, not yours.  I understand that.  Everything I say won't apply to everyone.  However, I recommend that if you know you need to do some work on your self-esteem, stop waiting for the perfect conditions.  

Yesterday, I talked about starting now and not waiting.  Well, I discovered another tid-bit of love to share with you guys.  What is this little challenging nugget?  Motivation via emotions.  

"You are more likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action."  -Jerome Bruner.

Did you get that?  Feel free to read it again for clarification, I will be sure there aren't any typos.  You will never feel inclined to improve your self esteem.  At least I never did.  And if you do, it will never be consistent enough to make the maximum amount of impact.  Growth needs to stop being an optional choice.  It needs to be a priority.  You are not doing yourself justice if you accept complacency.  If you don't feel like growing, welcome to the club.  We cannot drive our motivations solely off of emotions.  If we do, we will never be in control of our lives.  I am speaking to myself right now, if you care to know.  This is one of the biggest areas of growth that I am striving for in 2015.  If I can dedicate myself to improving daily, regardless of my emotions or attitude, I allow for guaranteed growth.  I am committing to consistency, I am committing to reliability.  And that is my "word for the year."  Reliable.  Above all else, I want my behavior to be reliable.  There will be days when I fall off the wagon, but if I commit to something, I want to win or fall down swinging.  God gives to those he trusts.  I want to earn his trust.  My behavior needs to be reliable.  I will make 2015 the best year yet.  With commitment to excellence, the proper attitude, and achieved reliability, there is no room for anything else.  This year is going to be fought for.  This is the beginning of a year of intentionality, in convenience or not.

"One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much." -Luke 16:10

Mistaken Diversion

"What great accomplishments we would have in the world if everyone would do what they intended to do...  The longer you wait to do something you should do now, the greater the odds that you will never actually do it." 

-Frank Clark

We are a world of procrastinators.  This is not intended to insult, I am one of these people.  I cannot tell you how many times I have said the words "I will do it tomorrow."  But the longer that we wait, the less of a chance we will actually do what we intend to do.  It is a really dangerous game we are playing when we set aside a task that needs to be done now.  

A friend of mine told me that God has our life planned out already, that all we have to do is just live it.  When I heard that it took all the pressure off of doing anything at all.  Now all you go-getters out there might have the opposite response and consider living an easy task with this mentality.  But for me, it took away my drive to meet people or to pursue this elusive greatness.  What is the point if our destiny turns out the same anyway?  I know, once again, this is a terrible mentality, but that is what I thought, none-the-less.

I have shed this mentality since then.  Not because I think (or don't think) that this is a false mentality, but because it was harmful in my productivity.  I have a responsibility to produce greatness in my life.  God has a plan for us, yes, but it is our responsibility to stay on it.  

It is like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes.  In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves."  So if we want to spend each day discovering who we are, we need to pay careful attention to the duties we discard, because it may be in those consistent duties that we embrace God's plan.

"Do not say to your neighbor, Go, and come again; and tomorrow I will give it—when you have it with you." -Proverbs 3:28

Growth

Picture your favorite sport.  For me, that is soccer.  It is passionate, direct, and obvious.  The goals are specific and everyone is clear on what they are trying to achieve.  Now picture the same game with no soccer goals.  A little pointless, isn't it?  You run around and steal the ball from each other.  The time on the clock doesn't matter, the effort exerted doesn't matter; the purpose is lost.  

My (and your) life is the same way.  In all honesty, it doesn't matter how hard you are working if you aren't aimed at anything.  You are like a rubber duck, floating through the waves, but truly doing nothing but existing.  Our business coaches always say, "Don't be the 'in the way' guy."  What they mean by that is there are people all over, not doing their true purpose, not being challenged, just standing in lines and sitting in cars, blocking the way of people who are moving forward.  It sounds a little harsh, but the reality is that if you aren't going to be intentional about your life, you are destined to live like a rubber duck, floating to nowhere.

I am going to take this a step further, in light of the New Year.  I am sure you established tons of New Year's Resolutions.  You have read in previous posts that I have done the same.  But in all reality, goals aren't good enough if they aren't directing you toward the growth you desire.  Take my life, for instance.  The biggest growth that I want to occur in my life is becoming a better leader, better in relationships (God, mother, wife, family member), and better in health.  Knowing these things are my personal areas of growth, I need to ensure that my goals complement those.  

This blog is a perfect example.  For me, this blog allows me the opportunity to voice my road to improved self-esteem.  But it is honestly one of the most time-consuming ways that I could have possibly gone about achieving this goal.  Typical Brittany.  Marcus told me to tell myself 10 Truths in the Mirror every day (Max 30 seconds).  I chose writing an extensive blog with a corresponding picture and a bible verse (An hour +).  Unfortunately, this blog isn't using my time wisely.  I am growing tremendously from it, however, there are probably more time-efficient ways of achieving the same growth.  My effort is to continue doing this blog daily, but  I am striving to be intentional about the growth in my life by taking my valuable minutes and using them wisely.  Rest assured that on the days I am not blogging, I will be facing myself in the mirror and reminding the negative thoughts of the truthful positives.  So this is me, living intentionally.  This is me in growth.

"Until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ" -Ephesians 4:13-15

The Focal Necessity

My son is the cutest boy in the world.  No, really.  I don't mean to brag, it is just an irreversible fact.  Big brown eyes, curly blonde hair, chunk for days, and a single dimple that won't quit.    Picture granted?  Well, he and I were sitting in the recliner chair today after he woke up from a lengthy nap.  His eyes were still heavy and he cuddled close to my chest as he fought to stay awake.  I couldn't help but smirk as I took in the morning love.  Even in the most beautiful moment, however, I could feel myself getting drawn away.  I have things to do, people to correspond with, and a life to progress.  It is difficult to focus with no distraction on the important things in life.  Especially on the things that really matter.  Case and point, as I am writing this, I looked up and told my husband that we have to take the tree down before we host a meeting in our house tomorrow.  Oops, preaching to myself with this one.

If you have spent any time with me, you will see that I struggle not being diverted by many things.  Marcus has actually told me, "You are so smart, if you could just focus on one thing for five minutes, you would be the most productive person I know."  Hilarious.  Such is life.  Knowing this weakness, however, I am striving to progress in this area.  Hence, the very direct resolutions for this 2015.  I need my focus to be straight so if... when... I get sidetracked, I can quickly get back on target.

It is so so important to focus on the things that truly matter in life.  My son is 5 months.  I kid you not, I would bet a limb that it hasn't been longer than 2.  It is absolutely terrifying to me that he is coming up on a half a year.  When did this happen?  When I wasn't paying attention.  

It is my responsibility to know what my focus is in life.  What is most important to me will direct me every day, but if I am not careful, I will get sidetracked from the most important journey I could ever be intentional about: parenthood.  I owe it to my son, to my family, to their future, to make them number one.  Always.  Sadly, before I know it, my opportunity to shape my son's life will be over, and he will no longer be staring up at me with those huge brown eyes.  Before I know it, he will be grown.  And I will be wishing I hadn't been distracted.  So now is my chance... my chance to focus.

"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." -2 Timothy 5:8

The Boy

Today I wanted to share a simple poem with you that has impacted me fully.  Hope you enjoy it as I did.

                                           The Race
Whenever I start to hang my head in front of failure’s face, 
    my downward fall is broken by the memory of a race. 
A children’s race, young boys, young men; how I remember well, 
    excitement sure, but also fear, it wasn’t hard to tell. 
They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race 
    or tie for first, or if not that, at least take second place. 
Their parents watched from off the side, each cheering for their son, 
    and each boy hoped to show his folks that he would be the one.


The whistle blew and off they flew, like chariots of fire, 
    to win, to be the hero there, was each young boy’s desire. 
One boy in particular, whose dad was in the crowd, 
    was running in the lead and thought “My dad will be so proud.” 
But as he speeded down the field and crossed a shallow dip, 
    the little boy who thought he’d win, lost his step and slipped. 
Trying hard to catch himself, his arms flew everyplace, 
    and midst the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face. 
As he fell, his hope fell too; he couldn’t win it now. 
    Humiliated, he just wished to disappear somehow.


But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face, 
    which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win that race!” 
He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit that’s all, 
    and ran with all his mind and might to make up for his fall. 
So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win, 
    his mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again. 
He wished that he had quit before with only one disgrace. 
    “I’m hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn’t try to race.”


But through the laughing crowd he searched and found his father’s face 
    with a steady look that said again, “Get up and win that race!” 
So he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last. 
    “If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought, “I’ve got to run real fast!” 
Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight, then ten... 
    but trying hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again. 
Defeat! He lay there silently. A tear dropped from his eye. 
    “There’s no sense running anymore! Three strikes I’m out! Why try? 
I’ve lost, so what’s the use?” he thought. “I’ll live with my disgrace.” 
    But then he thought about his dad, who soon he’d have to face.


“Get up,” an echo sounded low, “you haven’t lost at all, 
    for all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall. 
Get up!” the echo urged him on, “Get up and take your place! 
    You were not meant for failure here! Get up and win that race!” 
So, up he rose to run once more, refusing to forfeit, 
    and he resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn’t quit. 
So far behind the others now, the most he’d ever been, 
    still he gave it all he had and ran like he could win. 
Three times he’d fallen stumbling, three times he rose again. 
    Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end.


They cheered another boy who crossed the line and won first place, 
    head high and proud and happy -- no falling, no disgrace. 
But, when the fallen youngster crossed the line, in last place, 
    the crowd gave him a greater cheer for finishing the race. 
And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud, 
    you would have thought he’d won the race, to listen to the crowd. 
And to his dad he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.” 
    “To me, you won,” his father said. “You rose each time you fell.”


And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face, 
    the memory of that little boy helps me in my own race. 
For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all. 
    And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall. 
And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face, 
    another voice within me says, “Get up and win that race!”


             -attributed to Dr. D.H. "Dee" Groberg

Father's Love

-"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:14

Emotional Millisecond

I decided to embark into the chaotic world of retail on the day after Christmas.  Now, if you know anything about shopping, you know that the day after Christmas is only the second busiest day of the year.  I do pride myself on not going out on Black Friday and being apart of the jungles of mall traffic.  Regardless, the day after Christmas still holds quite a bit of the chaos, just to a smaller degree.  I was talking to Marcus on the phone and pushing a cart back to it's spot when I realized I had just returned the only available cart.  I relayed this to Marcus, and upon hearing it, a complete stranger sprinted to retrieve the lone cart.  This may seem like a natural response to any shopping veteran, but to me it seems ridiculous.  Is it really that important to have a cart (and ensuring that no one else gets it), that you have to sprint across the store to get it?  Ok, so who am I to judge the structure of importance in her life.  It did stir in me an interesting realization, however.

Humans, as a whole, are constantly operating in a state of flux.  It is as if we were not made to have any sort of peace; that one side of ourselves is constantly fighting the other for dominance.  And these two sides?  You guessed them: logical and emotional.  One only has to stand back for two minutes and observe the human behavior in chaos to identify it.  It is our natural inclination to embrace our "lower nature," i.e. our unfulfilled desires and selfishness.  We operate at a sane level until emotions become the dominant voice controlling us.  

This thought brings to mind the devil and angel that sit on your shoulder from t.v. sitcoms years ago.  The devil holds zeal, our true inclination.  The angel, however, well, the angel holds our goodness and sanity.  

Time and time again we have watched a hugely successful person throw aside their values in a moment of fleeting emotion.  This moment costs them their dignity and often, their career.  

We have come to a place in society where our logical brain is in control until in the heat of a moment.  It is then that the emotions, and honest desires, come to light.  It is then that the most painful memories show up from our past, our unforgiveness surfaces, and the beauty of others is estranged.  In reality, it is unrealistic to expect perfection in the area of emotional control.  We are human and as humans, it is impossible to just forget a painful memory, because we will it to leave.  But it is our responsibility to come to terms with the things that are harming us in our present so they don't harm our future.  I was talking to a pastor years ago that said, "There is a time of decision to either be selfish and pained or strong and controlled.  It is very brief and occurs directly before any blow out.  If you aren't looking for it, you will miss it.  It is in this millisecond of a moment that you need to pray."  Next time you are about to have a confrontation and say something you regret, look for it: that millisecond.  That control that will save you the loss of trust, sanity, or dignity.  Focus on the better, rather than the now.  Focus on the future you.

-"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins." -2 Peter 1:5-11

The Good Fight

It's a new year, and with it, a new self abounds.  I asked a stranger the other day what their goals and resolutions are for the new year and she returned the question.  I had absolutely no idea what to say.  How had I not thought about this?  Because of my unpreparedness, I took it upon myself to establish three goals for the New Year.  Three.  It seems people have about fifteen goals they want to accomplish and none of them get done.  Narrowing them down is hard, but the more I am very precise with my goals, the better.

My number one goal is to be the best mom and wife that I can be.  My family is my number one priority, and so naturally improving myself for them is of upmost importance.  This will include being stronger in my self and confidence.  

Secondly, I want to go out 5-6 times a week.  A part of business is networking with people and getting to know them.  Loving on people is so important, so making it a direct focus of my life is essential.  This also includes business and spiritual development daily, but I will keep the details on here brief, as that is not my main focus.

Third and lastly, I want to maintain my physical health.  This includes exercise, vitamins, etc. 

There are a lot of components to attaining these goals.  Mainly, I want to strive for self-development.  That is what New Year's Resolutions are, right?  They are focused plans for the upcoming Year to strive to be and do better.   And that is the truth of what I am fighting for.  More then any other time in my life, I am fighting to stay focused, to stay driving, to be better.  Not because I am not good enough already, but because I know I am capable of more.  This is a year of pushing; of passionately driving forward and not looking back.  This is the year I fight, and earn more.  One will have one of two pains, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.  I choose the pain of discipline.  That I would have no regrets.  To the fight- that it would be worth it at every moment, but when it isn't and I get knocked down, that I get back up fiercer than in my failure.  To the future- that it will hold the greatness that I am fighting for. Because the fight will be great.

"Fight the good fight of the faith.  Take hold of the eternal life which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." -1 Timothy 6:12