Protecting the Unspoken Disdain

I started my challenge today.  For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, I am committed to telling my reflection 10 compliments a day for one week.  Strangely enough, this task took me less than 15 seconds, yet it is one that I have been dreading.  What is this desire to not look yourself in the eye and say nice things?  Maybe it is the fact that everyone has a self-destructive tendency deep down inside, or most likely it is because it is new and uncomfortable.  But regardless, whatever it was got very quiet when I started speaking to myself.  And that was not all that happened.  As I started to speak my encouragements, goosebumps ran up and down my arms.  My body craved it and soaked up the words like a dry sponge.  The funny thing is, once I started, I didn't want to stop.  The reaction my physical body had was amazing to me.  Maybe this won't happen to you, but it definitely affected me in ways I wasn't expecting. 

When I was starting our business with my husband, our business coaches addressed self-esteem and how important having a positive self-worth is.  My first thought was literally, "I bet I can succeed without improving my self-worth."  How ridiculous is that!  Negative self-worth is not a prize!  Why was I fighting so hard to maintain my bad impression of myself?  To this day I have no idea.  But if it is a learned mentality, I need to do everything in my power to ensure this is not learned among my children, future and present.

But one thing this showed me is that we have just as much of a responsibility to build up others as we do ourselves.  You think of a child and how much they crave attention and affirmation.  No compliment is ever enough.  When did that change? When did craving affirmation become a bad thing?  It's not.  You need it.  You only succeed when you believe you can.  There may be times when you surpass your belief but that will only be fleeting.  It is  law.  Production cannot and will not withstand a degree higher than your belief.

Back to my point.  There are people everywhere.  At the mall, at the salon, at work, on vacation.  Everywhere.  And those people need affirmation and crave it the way I did.  People all over that hear the same negativity that you do, maybe more.  There is no way to be positive about yourself if all you hear is negative.  A time will come when even the most positive outlook will be drowned by negativity if that is the only input.  

Before I started getting coaching and mentorship, I didn't know the depth and importance of believing in yourself.  I know it seems rudimentary, but I know there are more like me neglecting the sponge in them.  So like usual I will ask a favor.  The next time you go out and about, compliment someone.  Notice their style or sweet smile.  Spread positivity, because someone out there may need it.

 Day 14- "And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." Ephesians 4:23-24

Lingering Disappointment

I don't know about you, but I spend a lot of time reliving situations from the past.  Whether it be from moments of glory or strife, they often hold as much weight on repeat as they did the first time around.  Reliving allows me to dwell, whether that be good or bad.  But reliving can be a trait that causes great detriment if not controlled.  We should be forever progressing forward.  That is the goal, right?  To be growing and improving with every chance and opportunity.  So if the goal is to be moving forward, then why do we spend so much time in the past?  

The worst part about it all is if we are in fact moving forward, judging ourselves as we were back then will keep us there.  In all honesty, we do ourselves a grave injustice by judging our current selves by past infractions.  The past you is a different you.  For example, how many people still cringe about mistakes from high school?  I know I do and for me that was over 5 years ago!  Feeling embarrassed about our past is like admitting to ourselves that we haven't changed since then and if done over, the same result would occur.  I hope for your sake this isn't true, or won't be after the 365 days are done.  Not that you will no longer have disappointment, but that we can grow and change from it.

This is all well and good, but if you are anything like me, these situations don't command less attention by me deciding not to think about them.  In fact, like a purple elephant in the room, it doesn't disappear by staring at the blank ceiling.

But don't you mind, I have been told the solution.  It is very simple.  The solution to pollution is dilution.  I know it sounds like nothing more than a clever ditty, but its truth runs deep.  You will run into negativity, no matter what.  That is out of your control if you plan to live a normal life.  And it will include reasons to stop believing in yourself.  But it is your job, if you plan to have self-esteem that can move mountains, to dilute the negativity and look into the light.

So seeing as how I just finished my week of no Facebook and replacing it with something meaningful, I am going to start a new one.  (Let me just say what a rough one week it was.  Talk about an eye-opening experience.)  The new week-long challenge, is to affirm myself with 10 positives in the mirror everyday.  This will not be easy, but success is not for the meek.  It goes against my nature to speak positives into myself and it will feel awkward at first, but I know, like anything, the more I practice, the more it will come naturally.  I encourage you to join me.  Even if all you can commit to at first is singing "This Girl Is On Fire" to yourself everyday, it is a start.  And a start is progress.  

Day 13- "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." -Philippians 4:8

Unashamed

Embarrassed is defined in the dictionary as "causing confusion and shame to; make uncomfortably self-conscious;disconcert; abash."

So in the definition of embarrassment lies the word self-conscious.  Not to discourage self-conscious behavior, but causing it.  It is a wonder that I have not addressed this sooner.  If embarrassment is the cause of not only self-conscious mentalities but also shame and confusion, it is curious that we put up with such a behavior.  

Embarrassment is one detrimental tendency among many that is learned that only reinforces negative mentalities.  It is behaviors like this that we, as self-improvement-focused individuals, need to become aware of as not uplifting, but actually "abash"ing.  There are so many things in our life only reinforcing our self negativity, but let's focus in on this one for today.

When was the last time you were embarrassed?  Was it warranted?  Let's explore for a second my last embarrassing situation, the turkey delivery.  Honestly, I don't think this one is the last one, but you already have the background on it so it will save us the time of explaining a new situation.  If you haven't read it yet, feel free to catch up here and come back http://thetruthfulbeauty.blogspot.com/2014/11/renew.html (If you don't want to catch up, do your best to muddle through).  This was not only an embarrassing situation to me, it was down right mortifying.  Why exactly?  Because it goes against my heart's desire.  My desire is that I look beautiful, accomplished, and together.  In this moment what did I exhibit?  Quite honestly, the reality.  And the reality is messy.  What doesn't make sense to me is why I spend so much time trying to skew the reality.  Everyone is living in reality and whether they admit it or not, it is messy.  Reality doesn't fulfill every cry or desire of the heart, no matter how much we long for that.  If it did, there would be no challenge.  

Another dilemma comes about when we try to hide our self behind a facade because we are embarrassed at the reality.  This is a behavior that I engage in frequently that my husband never does.  One of the biggest things I do is try to paint a picture of myself based on what society would deem appealing.  Unfortunately, when anyone operates in a medium other than the truth, it eventually gets uncovered.  Let me shed some light on a few areas I try to hide that I inherently find embarrassing.  I want to be a princess.  Not to be spoiled or have earthly riches, but because a princess is doted on and adored.  These are traits that every woman I have talked to wants as well.  You see, adoration is a desire of the heart.  But desiring adoration is seen as needy.  A princess never longed to be one, she was born that way.  People don't long for what they have always had.  I digress.  My point is, that embarrassment causes me to feel as though I cannot shed light on desires that society deems unappealing.  Ironically, any unappealing feature said in strength and confidence is less unappealing.  People that have strength in who they are draw others to want to be like them.  The main reason for this is most, if not all, humans are searching and when one appears to have found themselves, the rest want the secret.  

And you can have the secret everyone else desires.  To wear confidence is to arrive at what others desire.  If you know anything about Jennifer Lawrence, she is a perfect example of this.  She tripped up the steps at the Oscars.  And repeated it the next year on the red carpet.  Did she miss a beat?  No.  She was able to joke about it in an interview shortly after.  And everyone loves her for it.  That is a picture of not being controlled by embarrassment.  So get out, be yourself, and don't feel ashamed.

Day 12- "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed" -Genesis 2:25

Know Your Heart

"I realize now that God focuses on the heart and not on the behavior."

-Unreferenced quote from the book "Love and Respect"

There is a certain importance to knowing yourself.  Not just the surface understanding, but an honest, truthful look at the core of who you are.  I am not sure if you are like me, but I spend too much time focusing on my behaviors and not enough on my heart.  This is an easy mistake because behaviors are in front of you all the time, whereas the heart requires self-evaluation and deep analysis.  But you need to do this if you expect to have an understanding of who you are.  

One of the biggest things I am learning right now is there is two things that make up your self.  The first is Temporary.  Emotions are one of these as well as behaviors.  Temporary behaviors are like waves.  They ebb and flow and stir up serious highs and lows.  These are dangerous because if we are not careful we will use things within this "Temporary" category to determine ourselves.  Basing our understanding of ourselves on these temporary highs and lows causes our perception of ourselves to be ever-changing.  There is no consistency in who you are or what you understand of yourself.  If people base their self worth on fleeting emotions or behaviors, it is no wonder they are confused.

The second piece of your self is the foundation of who you are.  This encompasses you as a person.  Your heart, your intentions, your beliefs.  It is here that God judges you, and ideally so would others. 

Let me give you a little more clarity.  Think about an argument you recently had with a beloved family member or friend.  Did you yell at this person?  Or judge their behavior as rude, inconsiderate, and selfish?  Were they conceited, and emotional?  They (and we) can act in ways that are not indicative of our character and heart.  Thank goodness for this, otherwise we would all be negative, evil, and doomed to failure.  But one of the greatest things we can do for our relationships (and ourselves) is to get to know people for who they are, not how they act.  I know that my husband is a loving, caring individual.  So if he doesn't seem this way in an argument, I know there must be a misunderstanding or a hurt.  

Not to dig too deeply into a rabbit trail, but be wary of hurts because they will often be the cause of behavior that doesn't represent your personality.  Seeing my husband behave in ways that are unrepresentative of his true heart lets me know that I am misinterpreting him, or he is hurt.  Knowing this, it allows me to not jump into an argument or get at my husband's throat if he does something that is insensitive, because I know that is not something that is not indicative of who he is.

In the same way, we need to know ourselves.  If we know who we are down to the heart regardless of the waves of life, we will be able to have the self-awareness to know when we are hurt.  For example, I know that I am a kind and loving person.  Knowing this, if I ever act in an unkind or unloving way I can try to find the hurt so I can avoid it in the future.

I don't mean to say that we don't have to take responsibility for our actions.  But more so, know the song of our heart and learn to sing it even when the waves of life come.  In doing this, we can take an honest look at ourselves and realize that those mistakes, arguments, or unthoughtful behaviors don't have to be repeated.  And more importantly don't define us.

"Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” -John 7:24

Remove the Inflicted Chains

The beauty about being you is that you can be whoever you want.  There is a sense of freedom in that.  The sad part is too many people take this brilliant opportunity to duplicate others, rather than embracing themselves.  The effect of past hurts is ever present on them, claiming duplication is the only way to find security in themselves.  In reality, it is an excuse to not take responsibility for who they are.  If you can blame others for the person you are today, it allows you to be free to make mistakes without fault.  The sad part is, mistakes are a part of life.  There is no need to have an "excuse" for mistakes or failures because failures are proof that you are trying.  When you take responsibility for who you are, no excuse or explanation is necessary.  There is a sense of pride when who you are has taken work and has been established there by none other than yourself.  And when the failing has not undermined your determination, there is pride when you accomplish something amazing.  The more you accomplish by your (and of course God's) capability, the more you will develop a complete and utter belief in yourself.

Unfortunately, victims are found more often than conquerers.  The funny part is that at one time or another everyone was a victim.  You are a product of your decisions, not a product of your circumstances.  This may be a touchy subject because I am not really one to talk.  I have had a relatively easy life, some might say an entitled life.  I had parents that believed in me fully and very little complaints growing up.  The fact that I am an American citizen alone sets me to a whole new level of privilege than most.  I was recently told a story by a U.S. citizen who was taken to the border between two countries, one communist, one free.  He was a young boy at the time.  His father wanted him to appreciate the freedom he took for granted.  They stood there as a beat-up pickup truck rode up to the gate.  The guards looked through the truck and inexplicably asked to pop the hood.  Under it, a man sat in the place of a radiator hoping and praying to not be discovered.  The guard pulled a 9mm pistol out of its holster and to the horror of the spectators, shot the man on the spot.  The escapee was searching for freedom.  Dreaming of a life beyond his captivity.  This man died dreaming and wishing for something I was born into.  No, I do not pretend to have a tough life.  But I believe life can be overcome regardless of your circumstances.  Some have greater mountains to climb, but that doesn't mean they weren't given a vision and purpose in life.  It seems those people who have to fight a little harder for life understand that life comes at a cost.  Life isn't worth wasting because it is a gift.  Maybe if we were a little less privileged we wouldn't squander such a precious commodity.

I am sorry if this seems negative.  But I firmly believe that people have gotten too comfortable with life equating to nothing.  Me included.  For how far ahead I have started, it is a shame I have not achieved more.  But this has been my doing that I am not further in life.  I take responsibility for that.  It is this understanding that drives me to do better.  I forgive myself for this and use it to propel me forward.  And that is one of my goals.  Forgiveness of my mistakes, even when it is hard.

One of the most impacting things I have ever learned from a sermon is that we will forever continue to go through the same trial until we learn what we need to learn from it.  This is the reason I strive to learn from every mistake I have made so I don't have to repeat it.  But along the way mistakes require forgiveness.  Forgiveness is essential if I expect to achieve all that I was designed for.  And so that is the path that I choose.  To not dwell on the decisions and mistakes in life that could bring me down or hold me back from achieving more.  I owe it to the people dying for what I have been freely granted.  Believe in yourself, forgive yourself, and be thankful.  Because someone is praying for something you are taking for granted.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." -James 1:17

Direction Granted

You have to have a dream.  It is one of the most essential aspects of life.  A dream is what drives you, pushes you, grows you, and makes you feel an utter sense of accomplishment.  It is what will make fear worth conquering and reality worth embracing.  Don't have a dream?  Let's start there.  I was told once that if you never strive for anything you will hit it every time.  And seeing as how I know (whether you agree or not) that you are more capable than achieving nothing, you need to find a dream.  If you are having trouble finding one, start by doing something that makes your heart sing.  Don't know what makes your heart sing either?  Then fill your life with generosity.  I still remember that I had to do volunteering hours for a class in college.  I chose Habitat for Humanity and helped build houses for a day.  The feeling that I had at the end of the day was indescribable.  Did I have a dream for building houses?  Not even a little bit, but it sparked in me a fire that people with "busyness" are missing.  As I mentioned in my last post, giving is one of the best things you can do for yourself as well as others.  Sparking your heart to life is where dreams begin.  If you don't have a dream, maybe it has been a while since your soul has been given the freedom to dream.  Life is about the feeling that causes you to forget to eat, sleep, and breathe; when you are in the passionate, uninterrupted quest of life.  It is there that you know that you're living.

Once you have a dream, your next step is to set goals.  Not too many!  A business coach of mine said that any goal beyond the 3rd lessens your chances of achieving any of them.  You need to be direct and focused.  That focus comes from being intentional.  A goal is a promise to yourself that you will achieve what your heart desires and that you are capable of doing so.  If you don't hit it within the time frame that you desire, reassign it.  Reset it.  Achieving goals is proof that you can do what you set your mind to.  And you need to let yourself know that you are capable.  It is so easy to accept that where you are now is the best you can be.  That is not true.  It has been proven time and time again that life is not done until it is over.  Do yourself a favor and believe that you are capable of anything.  Where would you want to go and what would you want to do if there was no such thing as obstacles?  Fake it until you make it is absolutely amazing advice.  If you don't believe in yourself yet, do everything you can to convince yourself.  Don't delay.  The longer you repress your dreams, the longer you reinforce the idea that you aren't a priority.  Start today.  

I established my three goals.  I am driving, I am pursuing, I am proving that I am worth it.  Don't start tomorrow.  Start now.

 "For I am confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of the Christ Jesus." -Philippians 1:6

Whatever Your Heart Desires

"Whenever I have felt needy or short of money or short of help, I simply went out or found in my heart what I wanted, and decided to give it first.  And when I gave, it always came back."

-Robert Kiyosaki

Giving is a simple act that goes directly against our human nature.  In order to give willingly we must want for others more than we want for ourselves and rarely does that happen.  It takes a heart that is compassionate enough to understand that someone may have a need greater than their own and a heart that has grown to look beyond its innate selfishness to become loving upon another.  Through it all, a heart that finds this form of giving is rewarded because it is not easily developed.

After reading Robert Kiyosaki's quote, I realized a missing piece of my self-confidence journey that has not yet been addressed.  Selflessness.  Developing your self-confidence is a matter of the heart.  It takes focus and dedication, however, if you never look beyond yourself, you will never grow to understand the beauty of others and the beauty of yourself.  Just the same, if you never learn and appreciate who God is and his love for us, you will never understand our purpose or full worth.  

People are beautiful and so in need.  The more you get out and serve, the more you will gain perspective, appreciation, and an overall realization that your problems are comparably insignificant.  Not to mention for those Christians out there, we were called to serve.  Our example to follow is Jesus Christ.  "Well done my good and faithful SERVANT."  It is my firm understanding that it is in our servanthood that our purpose becomes known and our self in God's image becomes visible, not just to ourselves but to others.  It is in servanthood that we find ourselves, not in judgement, criticism, or selfishness.

Not to mention that if we use the format mentioned by Robert Kiyosaki above, if we are searching for more of ourselves, the best way to find it is to give it away.  The more we give of ourselves, the more we will get in return.  

It may seem counterintuitive, but the more we seek out and serve on others, the more we will find ourselves.  More realistically, you will find yourself where you look.  If I choose to search for myself in a bar, it is there that my soul with find its dependence.  If I search for myself in my husband, it is there my soul will find my dependence.  Another person is not meant to define us.  All they can show you is how to become them and you weren't designed to be a duplicate of another.  You will find yourself by dying to yourself in servanthood.  You will find yourself by looking beyond the mirror.  So what I strive to do is search for myself in loving others.  It is there that I will find myself a faithful servant.  And that is what my soul yearns to find.

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." -Galatians 5:13

Renew

Two days ago I was sitting at home at one in the afternoon.  My son had just fallen asleep in my arms after an entire morning of diligent screaming.  He was feverish and overtired, a combination that makes for a very sad little boy.  I had spent the entire night wooing and cooing to him, to which bags under my eyes could attest.  My shirt was caught around my bra in the back, hair matted this way and that, and eyes barely popping back open after their inevitable blinking.  I was the picture of dragged out.  It was at this time that I heard a car door outside.  In denial, I refused to think that someone could possibly be at my house.  A few seconds later, I was dismayed to hear a knock at our door.  Before I even had a chance to shimmy my way to standing, I had decided on not answering.  I peaked out my window and see two Airman in full ABU gear.  I groaned as I racked my brain for any possible reason for their presence on my front step.  Knowing I had no other option, I opened the door, arms still full of my sleeping bundle.  Turned out we had been nominated for a turkey drop and they were delivering not only a 15.5 lb turkey, but an entire Thanksgiving feast.  Unfortunately, I was so busy being mortified by my appearance and the destroyed house to spend much time celebrating at that moment.  They were civil and we whispered back and forth in glorious awkwardness.  My husband's boss was one of the Airmen in attendance.  He apologized on his way out.  It wasn't until they left and I had stress-cleaned for a good half an hour that I could truly appreciate the gift in all its glory.

This situation, as entirely mortifying as it was (I don't think you understand the full awkwardness of the situation, but I will save you any more elaboration), gave me an opportunity to respond.  I know this may sound strange, but it is situations like this that allow me to exercise the greater self confidence I am trying to achieve.  Let me show you my two options:

A. Being mortified and be-raiding myself for the remainder of the day in agony and discomfort.

B. Letting it go and laughing about it.

Which one did I choose?  Both.  I did call my mom and husband and expressed my complete and utter embarrassment about the whole scenario, laughing throughout.  However, my main reaction was groaning to myself whenever it popped into my mind.  Could I or would I have done anything different?  Maybe pulled down my shirt in the back.  And thanked them profusely for their generosity.  But other than that, the situation would have probably played out just as it did.  My son is and was my first priority and that wouldn't have changed, even to the expense of my embarrassment.  But none of that mattered because I was still caught up in the wishing I was more suave or better on my feet.  I criticized myself on how I managed the conversation and told myself I should have done better.  It is this criticism that I am trying to rid myself of.  It is this criticism that I don't deserve, but have habitually fed to myself for as long as I can remember.  If I am serious about changing my self worth, I need to start with negative self talk.  It needs to start in the mind.  "Watch your thoughts because they become your actions, watch your actions because they become your habits, watch your habits because they become your character."  If I think nothing but negative about myself, I have no hope of ridding myself of the vicious cycle of disapproval.  We are who we say we are.  It's time to say something positive.

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the RENEWING OF YOUR MIND..." -Romans 12:2

Beyond the Partnership

Women were designed to be partners.  If anyone knows anything about the Garden of Eden, they can confirm that this is the case.  But even partners deserve to have their own dreams.  

A few months ago, Marcus and I started a business.  It has been an amazing thing, but it is very performance driven.  The harder you work, the more you will produce.  When we first started, I became really intense.  We weren't producing the kind of success we originally wanted and this was disappointing to me.  It was this disappointment that led me to encourage Marcus to work harder.  It took me several days to realize that I had been looking at this all wrong.  He is our leader, but that doesn't mean that it is his job to do all the work.  But looking back, I had an epiphany as to my motivation.

I have 100% faith in my husband's capability.  He is one of the wisest, truest, most capable people that I know.  There is no doubt that he is going to be successful in whatever he sets his mind to.  It was this understanding that pushed me to tell him to work harder.  I didn't believe I could achieve greatness in my own ability, so I had to rely on his.  This is unfair not only to my husband, but to me.  God designed me with my own set of gifts, skills, and dreams for a reason.  If I am always in my husband's glorious 6'4 shadow, I am doing an injustice to God who is waiting for my cooperation to do great things with me.  

Somewhere along the way women got stuck in their partner role and thought there was no more to their existence than that.  Don't get me wrong, being a partner and a spouse is an amazing thing, but that is not all you were made for.  God's plan has always been simple.  You were created to form your relationship with Christ first and then, as a strong and confident individual, unite with another strong and confident individual.  On this footing, who can stand in your way?  In our society, more often then not, women seek a partner before seeking out and discovering themselves.  

Picture one person who worked hard to establish themselves.  They formed their ideal self, and grew in confidence and stature.  This individual, let's call him Ralph, falls in love with a beautiful blonde goddess.  5'7, legs that won't quit, and a smile to shadow any other girl in her wake.  We'll call her Linda.  Sadly, Linda has been obsessing about love, pursues love and has been waiting for this love to complete her.  No matter how great Linda's smile is, she will destroy Ralph and his full potential because he will spend his days trying to complete and support her.  Being the stand up guy that he is, his heart will be forever hers, but he won't have any extra support to feed into the world because he will be spending it all on her.  Picture the same scenario with two confident, well established people.  These people, Bill and Sue, will spend their days focused on the world around them and both meeting their heart's potential.  This is the design.  This is the plan.  Do you see the potential? 

We have a responsibility to reach out for something more.  It is absolutely essential that we develop ourselves into all we need to be.  If you don't see the point for you, see the detriment you can have on your spouse.  It breaks my heart when I see capable people waiting for love to complete them.  A partner is only a segment of your potential.  If you settle all of your potential on that, you will be wasting not only your own, but all of your love's as well.  Desire more, if not for you, for your partner, future or present.  Love, in all its strength is a beautiful thing.  I choose to have a strong one.

"For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another..." -Romans 12:4

It's Your Time

People are busy.  How do I know this?  Because I am busy and I know I am not the only one.   But you know what being busy has taught me?  How to be stressed, yell at strangers through the safety of my windshield, and not care about anyone but myself.  Harsh, but true.  People who are short on time are stressed.  So why do we do it every day?  Why do people pack their schedules to the top and run frantically from one scheduled meeting to another?  I am not completely sure, but I have a hunch.

We like to be numb.  T.V. is an escape.  Video games are an escape.  Even fictional novels are an escape.  I am not joking when I say that I was driving down 512 yesterday (one of our local busy highways) and someone was swerving.  As I pulled up next to him in the fast lane I see a tablet blocking his speedometer playing a movie.  He was watching a movie while he was driving!  I could not believe it.  The average American watches more than 5 hours of T.V. a day.  Anyone else find that to be a problematic epidemic?  Whether or not you do, it follows suit with our society's current trend: run.  No, I do not mean exercise.  I mean the mental sprint from the stress of their current life.  I am not saying this to judge.  I do it too.  Life is stressful!  Sometimes you need a break.  But so many people decide to never come out of the numbness they are living in and answer the tough questions in life.  What am I doing?  Where am I going?  Can I do better?  Can I be better?  Is this it?  Is this all that life has to offer?  Let me take the time to answer that one for you.  If you have to ask, the answer is no.  I can promise you one thing.  You will never find what you are looking for running and escaping from life.  Life is here for a reason.  To draw you out, to challenge you, to grow you.  Growing is a process.  It doesn't just happen after you reach adulthood, you have to be intentional about it.  When was the last time you were intentional about improvement?  When did you think you were worth more than what you currently are doing?  Cheesy?  Maybe.  But seriously you guys, no one was designed for mediocrity.  So why is everyone settling?  Come on.  You will fail.  You will fall down.  Get back up.  Just do something worth while.  Or take a day, have nothing planned, and don't do a single numbing pass-time.  Go for a walk in the park.  Give your dog an extra hug.  Smile at strangers, or better yet listen to stories from an elderly person.  They have the best stories, you know, and they are just dying to share.  You may even learn something.

So this is my challenge: for a week, try something different.  Don't use busyness as an excuse.  Just do it, because you owe it to yourself.  Mine will be Facebook (my worst time-waster).  I can honestly say this is going to be rough because I am one of those religious notification-checkers.  But I believe in what I am saying, so I will walk the walk.  I encourage you to cut out something too (or add something new in?), not for me, for you.  You deserve to embrace life, if only for a week.

        

Day 5: "She had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said... 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!'  'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

-Luke 10:39-42

In all Reality

I didn't get a blog post out last night.  Why?  Because after two pain-staking hours of typing and retyping, I was still dissatisfied with the results.  I can honestly say self-esteem is one of the hardest topics for me to write on.  It hits close to my heart, which generally is helpful, but right now every time I write, it forces me out of my comfort zone and into the truths that I have been fighting for years.  I knew this would be a difficult task when taking it on, but I had no idea how difficult.

But on we march.  Today my focus is on reality.  I am sure you have heard perception is reality, but until you move beyond the teenage years lined with tear-stained mirrors it may not seem to have much relevance in your life.  I was like many girls in high school- obsessed with the mirror.  Not in a good "oh look at me" sort of way, but in a "can't fix my flaws so let me dwell on them" sort of way.  I am not going to focus too much on this stage of life (the fatal flaw of last night's deleted post) but focus more on where it has brought me.  I think it is true to say high school wasn't my best time.  Not because I wasn't blessed with friends, but because my impression of myself was at an all time low.  My dissatisfaction was out of control and honestly I was taking my flaws way too seriously.  But going through that time has allowed me to see clearly how easily a mistaken reality can rule and ruin your life.  Which is partly why my blog is a quest for truth.  But it doesn't matter what truth is if you don't believe it is factual.  How can I say that?  I was beautiful in high school, but I didn't see it.  I spent years berating myself and telling myself all about my flaws to the point that those flaws were all I saw.  It didn't matter that I was beautiful because I was ugly to myself.

Since then I have learned a very important lesson.  Confidence is key.  When you walk with your shoulders back and stand comfortable in your own skin you stand out.  I learned that about a year ago or so and since then when I walk, I walk tall (as tall as I can at 5'3).  And I can't tell you how many complete strangers call me beautiful.  I was rarely, if ever, called beautiful before.  Did I honestly develop into a beauty in the course of a year?  No.  I started walking tall, smiling and believing that perception is reality.  If I believed I was beautiful, I would become it.  Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophesy?  I started living the way I wanted to believe.  Wanna know another secret?  If you don't think you can believe you are beautiful pretend you think that way.  Push your shoulders back, dress in clothes you feel good in, make eye contact with people unashamed and something amazing will start to happen.  You will start to convince yourself.  

Beauty is especially important to women.  It is a call of our lives to be called and noticed in this way.  But it starts with the heart.  We don't become beautiful because other people believe it.  We have to believe it first.  People can't tell you that you are good at driving a boat if you never get on the water.  You are noticed for your beauty because you walk the way beautiful people walk, talk the way beautiful people talk and think the way beautiful people think.  And no I am not talking about being pretty.  I am talking about being beautiful.  What is the difference?  Beauty is something that travels all the way down to your heart and back.  It is something that isn't just external, but internal too.  

Do I have this mastered?  No.  Not even close.  But I am growing and learning how essential belief and reality is to beauty.  You can't be beautiful without belief.  Belief that you deserve it.  And you do deserve it.  

Day 4: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:4

   

Deeper Dreams

"You belong among the wildflowers, 

You belong in a boat out at sea

You belong with your love on your arm

You belong somewhere you feel free"

-Tom Petty

My husband and I have started talking to strangers.  I know this sounds strange, but bear with me.  It is a new goal to go out daily and to love on others.  It is not always easy, but it is teaching us a lot about mankind.  Firstly and above all, it is startling how strong the need is for someone, anyone, to listen.  The longer I spend listening to others the more evident it is that we were not designed for this world.  We were not designed to be walking the aisles of shops picking out this and that just hoping to feel a momentary glee at our purchase.  Or playing video games for hours to reach that new level.  Or eating 15 pieces of cake to get that chocolate rush (Don't get me wrong, I am an advocate of cake just as much, if not more, as the next person).  But there was a plan and that was not it.  The purpose of our existence was to be communing with others and embracing freedom, not solitude.  

Around noon today we were walking around Target and I stopped to admire a beautiful 6 month old Sophia.  She had wide chestnut eyes and a wonder of every person that passed her by.  That wonder doesn't exist in our lives anymore.  Why?  Because we are zombies.  We live from meager paycheck to meager paycheck and accept the mediocrity we are fated to.  We don't dream, we accept.  We don't pursue, we embrace.  When was the last time your past time wasn't an escape to a better and easier reality?

My heart dreams of beautiful things.  Those dreams do not deserve to be brought down and cast aside, but pushed deeper into and pursued.  What are my dreams?  What does my heart yearn for?  To not base my life on pursuing a job, but an inspiration.  Everyone has a dream.  Stop shoving it down and embrace it.  If it is hard, start small.  It is amazing what can be done with a little.

So what is my truth for the day?  My heart is a beautiful thing.  It longs to be chasing dreams and pursuing mountains.  It was created to climb.  I need to be thankful for the pieces left in me that are unrepressed.  It is there I find my individuality.  It is there that I was designed to find my strength. 

Maybe this sounds like another "Climb Every Mountain" speech.  And maybe it is.  But to me this is a calling.  A calling to not accept myself as normal but to embrace the pieces in me I am called to share.  Embrace my individuality and shine.  I was created for more than the hustle and bustle of work.  I was created for the wildflowers and the wide open sea.  And so were you.

Day 3: "Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." -2 Corinthians 3:17

     

Beloved

The day I became a mommy was like a wave crashing over me.  As I am sure it was for most other moms out there, every bit of me was torn to pieces after the most physically and mentally exhausting trial of my life.  But all of that was a distant memory when I held my child in my arms, heard his little cry for the first time, and kissed his sweet head.  I can honestly say that nothing prepared me for it, nothing compares to it and nothing will ever make sense of it.  It is a love deep within me that came alive that day.  It came from a place that I didn't even know existed.  I felt unprepared, but perfectly capable at the same time.  Scared but incomparably happy.  He was perfect.  I was blessed.  Any flaws were unnoticed and completely erased by the love that overwhelmed me.  I was proud beyond measure, not because of something he did, but just because he was mine and he was beautiful in every way.

And what is my point in telling you this?  You are a child.  I am a child.  We all belong to a creator that not only parents us but made us.  That inexpressible love that I have for my child is only a fraction of the love God feels for me.  Not because of something I did or said, but because I am His.  He is proud of me because this me, from head to toe, belongs to him and there is nothing I can do to change it.  His love is the epitome of unconditional.  And that is amazing.  Because no matter how much we may think that we don't measure up and no matter how big the mistake or flaw, our title of beautiful precious child still remains.  He will always love us.  And I guess that is one of the biggest things I need to learn first and foremost.  I am a child, I am loved, and I am flawless to the Creator of the Universe.  And that makes me (and you) pretty incredible.

Day 2: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Challenge Accepted

365 days is a long time.  It is twice the length of an Air Force deployment, 3x the span of my child's life, and 4x the length of summer vacation.  But thus is the length of time that I am committed to improving my mindset; not that all improvement must stop after those 365 days, but my commitment must extend to that full duration.  What is your commitment you may ask?  

Growth.  But not just any growth, self-esteem growth.  This type of growth has been something that my husband has been requesting of me since we met, not because it is unusually necessary, but because he believes I don't deserve the negativity that I dole out to myself daily.  I agree that my lack of self-confidence is an area of weakness for me, but it is society's fault, right?   Or the direct result of my upbringing?  Or how about all of those public school bullies.. they can be blamed too, right?

Pathetic excuses.  Those things may be the cause, but I am the one that has allowed those mentalities to stay.  My husband and I have known each other since 2008.  For all you who hate math that was a whopping 6 years ago.  6 years he has been asking me to look at myself positively.  Why has it taken me so long?  Because I was comfortable.  I was comfortable believing that I am just a victim of my circumstance and there was nothing I could do about it.  But that's not true.  It's a lie.  And like most lies, it sits right beside your ear whispering that this moment in time is the best you will ever be.  There is no need to try harder, dig deeper, or strive for more.  The circumstances have spoken, and me, the product, will forever remain theirs.

But today I committed.  I committed to wanting more.  I committed to striving for one year, 365 days, that I will not settle for mediocre.  The lies won't hold me down and that the truth will come to light.  For an entire year I will be writing biblical truths on this blog daily and revealing lies that these truths reveal.  It will be a discovery of the person that God intended me to be and shedding what I currently am.  Not a Christian?  Consider my discoveries merely truths to grow you, because whether you are Christian or not, you don't deserve to hate yourself.

Ok, this is rather personal; why am I doing this in blog form?  Because I know that I am not alone.  I know that men and women all over the world are settling for the ceiling of their circumstances.  I know that all over the world people are blaming society, their parents, their friends, their abuse, and so much more for their lack of self esteem.  And while those are good instigators, they are not good determiners of your future.  

I waited 6 years to change.. to grow.  I can't wait anymore.  I have a beautiful baby boy who is counting on me to teach him how special he is.  He will get brought down and broken in this life.  Everyone does and is.  But I want to be a reason for him to believe in himself.  And I don't want my belief in him to be diluted by my disdain for myself.  Lies can dilute the truth and parents are huge teachers of lies.  I have a responsibility I can't neglect any longer.  Whether you have kids or not, this is your time.  You are being influential to someone.  Don't be a bad one.  Buckle down with me and face reality.  You are beautiful.  You are awesome.  It's time to learn and love who you are.

See you for the next 365 days.  

Brittany