I didn't get a blog post out last night. Why? Because after two pain-staking hours of typing and retyping, I was still dissatisfied with the results. I can honestly say self-esteem is one of the hardest topics for me to write on. It hits close to my heart, which generally is helpful, but right now every time I write, it forces me out of my comfort zone and into the truths that I have been fighting for years. I knew this would be a difficult task when taking it on, but I had no idea how difficult.
But on we march. Today my focus is on reality. I am sure you have heard perception is reality, but until you move beyond the teenage years lined with tear-stained mirrors it may not seem to have much relevance in your life. I was like many girls in high school- obsessed with the mirror. Not in a good "oh look at me" sort of way, but in a "can't fix my flaws so let me dwell on them" sort of way. I am not going to focus too much on this stage of life (the fatal flaw of last night's deleted post) but focus more on where it has brought me. I think it is true to say high school wasn't my best time. Not because I wasn't blessed with friends, but because my impression of myself was at an all time low. My dissatisfaction was out of control and honestly I was taking my flaws way too seriously. But going through that time has allowed me to see clearly how easily a mistaken reality can rule and ruin your life. Which is partly why my blog is a quest for truth. But it doesn't matter what truth is if you don't believe it is factual. How can I say that? I was beautiful in high school, but I didn't see it. I spent years berating myself and telling myself all about my flaws to the point that those flaws were all I saw. It didn't matter that I was beautiful because I was ugly to myself.
Since then I have learned a very important lesson. Confidence is key. When you walk with your shoulders back and stand comfortable in your own skin you stand out. I learned that about a year ago or so and since then when I walk, I walk tall (as tall as I can at 5'3). And I can't tell you how many complete strangers call me beautiful. I was rarely, if ever, called beautiful before. Did I honestly develop into a beauty in the course of a year? No. I started walking tall, smiling and believing that perception is reality. If I believed I was beautiful, I would become it. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophesy? I started living the way I wanted to believe. Wanna know another secret? If you don't think you can believe you are beautiful pretend you think that way. Push your shoulders back, dress in clothes you feel good in, make eye contact with people unashamed and something amazing will start to happen. You will start to convince yourself.
Beauty is especially important to women. It is a call of our lives to be called and noticed in this way. But it starts with the heart. We don't become beautiful because other people believe it. We have to believe it first. People can't tell you that you are good at driving a boat if you never get on the water. You are noticed for your beauty because you walk the way beautiful people walk, talk the way beautiful people talk and think the way beautiful people think. And no I am not talking about being pretty. I am talking about being beautiful. What is the difference? Beauty is something that travels all the way down to your heart and back. It is something that isn't just external, but internal too.
Do I have this mastered? No. Not even close. But I am growing and learning how essential belief and reality is to beauty. You can't be beautiful without belief. Belief that you deserve it. And you do deserve it.
Day 4: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:4
Day 4: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:4
I am reminded of a time in my life when I was severely depressed after a major failure in my life. All I could hear was the voice of the enemy screaming in my ears, "Failure." I felt like a failure and that there was no hope for me. I struggled to hear the voice of God, but He was silent. I asked my pastor why it was that I could hear the voice of the enemy so clearly, but I could not hear the voice of God. His answer was so profound, "Because you agree with him." So true. I did agree with the enemy. But God is so patient and so kind. He was not silent that whole time. He was sending me messages (usually through other people) in ways that eventually got through and began to heal my hurting heart. I still have a long way to go before I will see myself as God sees me, but I am committed to the journey, and my God will safely bring me through. I am His child and there is NOTHING He won't do for me. In fact, He has already done it all for me. Jesus said, "It is finished."
ReplyDeleteWow! What an amazing insight your pastor gave you! You hear what you want to hear or what you believe. So true!
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