Know Your Heart

"I realize now that God focuses on the heart and not on the behavior."

-Unreferenced quote from the book "Love and Respect"

There is a certain importance to knowing yourself.  Not just the surface understanding, but an honest, truthful look at the core of who you are.  I am not sure if you are like me, but I spend too much time focusing on my behaviors and not enough on my heart.  This is an easy mistake because behaviors are in front of you all the time, whereas the heart requires self-evaluation and deep analysis.  But you need to do this if you expect to have an understanding of who you are.  

One of the biggest things I am learning right now is there is two things that make up your self.  The first is Temporary.  Emotions are one of these as well as behaviors.  Temporary behaviors are like waves.  They ebb and flow and stir up serious highs and lows.  These are dangerous because if we are not careful we will use things within this "Temporary" category to determine ourselves.  Basing our understanding of ourselves on these temporary highs and lows causes our perception of ourselves to be ever-changing.  There is no consistency in who you are or what you understand of yourself.  If people base their self worth on fleeting emotions or behaviors, it is no wonder they are confused.

The second piece of your self is the foundation of who you are.  This encompasses you as a person.  Your heart, your intentions, your beliefs.  It is here that God judges you, and ideally so would others. 

Let me give you a little more clarity.  Think about an argument you recently had with a beloved family member or friend.  Did you yell at this person?  Or judge their behavior as rude, inconsiderate, and selfish?  Were they conceited, and emotional?  They (and we) can act in ways that are not indicative of our character and heart.  Thank goodness for this, otherwise we would all be negative, evil, and doomed to failure.  But one of the greatest things we can do for our relationships (and ourselves) is to get to know people for who they are, not how they act.  I know that my husband is a loving, caring individual.  So if he doesn't seem this way in an argument, I know there must be a misunderstanding or a hurt.  

Not to dig too deeply into a rabbit trail, but be wary of hurts because they will often be the cause of behavior that doesn't represent your personality.  Seeing my husband behave in ways that are unrepresentative of his true heart lets me know that I am misinterpreting him, or he is hurt.  Knowing this, it allows me to not jump into an argument or get at my husband's throat if he does something that is insensitive, because I know that is not something that is not indicative of who he is.

In the same way, we need to know ourselves.  If we know who we are down to the heart regardless of the waves of life, we will be able to have the self-awareness to know when we are hurt.  For example, I know that I am a kind and loving person.  Knowing this, if I ever act in an unkind or unloving way I can try to find the hurt so I can avoid it in the future.

I don't mean to say that we don't have to take responsibility for our actions.  But more so, know the song of our heart and learn to sing it even when the waves of life come.  In doing this, we can take an honest look at ourselves and realize that those mistakes, arguments, or unthoughtful behaviors don't have to be repeated.  And more importantly don't define us.

"Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” -John 7:24