Reason to Fear

I love our house.  It is small, quaint, and exactly what we need in our lives at this time.  Is it perfect?  No.  But we are getting a really good deal for it and it is a stone's throw away from the military base where Marcus works.  A strange phenomenon happened the other day when a friend came to visit, however.  I got insecure about it.  This is so bizarre because I really like our house and for all intents and purposes, I am proud of it.  So why would I be getting insecure?  Because of the dangerous little concept: comparison.  The friend was a good 8 years older than us and comparably living in luxury with thousands of square footage and numerous bedrooms to spare.  Everything she owns is top of the line.  Not that top of the line is in any way a bad thing, but I grew up shopping at 1/2 off days at thrift stores and to this day haven't kicked the glorious habit.  

But our way of living, luxuriously or thrifty, is not the point.  My point is the response I had to her visit.  It is bothersome that I would allow my opinions of my life and home be dictated by fear of other's judgement (good or otherwise).  And because of this response, I came to the realization that I am more motivated by others' desires than my own.  That is very sad.  I touched on this yesterday some, but living within the realm of other's opinions is making me reliant on their approval.

So this is a problem.  If I don't want to be a victim, something needs to change.  The obvious fix is to get better stuff.  But does that really fix the problem or just mask it?  If I merely mask it, I am still a product of my environment and susceptible to losing my security and contentedness the minute my situation changes.  Success is not the solution to fear, only action is the cure.  So what does this mean exactly for me?  It means I need to push through my fear of rejection or my insecurity about not measuring up.  It means that instead of feeling funny about showing her my house, I need to showcase it proudly.  It is our own.  We made this home comfortable and what it is today.  There is no reason to hide it.  It may not be the biggest or best house on the block, but it is ours.  And I need to start taking pride in what we produce in our lives, because our production is a result of what we made it.  If there is something I don't like in my life I need to act.  And when there is something in my life I am proud of, like my house, I need to not back down because someone else might have a more socially beautiful one.  There will always be someone or something that is better.  Same goes for beauty, same goes for views of self.  I am what I tell myself I am.  There should be no more reasons for embarrassment.  I am moving forward, and life is not about reaching a destination.  It is about always striving, always dreaming.  So here I am pushing forward, but learning to stand tall where I am today.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7