I am not sure if this is a learned mentality or one innately given, but fairness is a process we have all struggled with at one time or another. You see, we have all been in that situation when we have been wronged (or at least seemingly so); when things didn't go just right and we got the short end of the stick. It is in those times that we start to believe we are less than cared for. No one wants this reality to be true, so we fight for this overarching "fairness" concept. But in reality, striving for fairness doesn't solve the problem, either. Forcing everyone to live by fairness principles creates mentalities that result in communism. The reality is we live in a world that isn't fair. And that is a good thing. Anti-fair mindset creates a motivation to work really hard and accomplish something more than average.
Apparently, schools are now teaching children to play games where everyone is always a winner and no one ever loses. Does this bother anyone else? One of the most influential memories I have occurred when I was a child. I worked a lot at a camp my parents started for children of prisoners. They would come from the inner cities and spent anywhere from a day to five days experiencing the country life. More often than not, I would get caught up in the games and activities offered to the campers. One day in particular, I was challenged to a game of carpet pool (for all intents and purposes, the specifics of the game don't matter, but if you want to know more about it, let me know and I'll explain it to you) by a young overly hyperactive kid on the farm. What you have to remember, is I lived on the farm and played this game daily because we owned it. I creamed the kid and felt really good about myself as I walked away. One of the camp directors came over to me shortly after and asked me, "You couldn't have let him win, huh?" I was shocked at the time. It wasn't "fair" to assume this of me, after all, my challenger was my likely my senior and a boy to boot. He deserved to be creamed, right? Right?
I think back to that day time and time again because that was the first time that I realized that winning and losing aren't always what they seem. This boy needed a win to improve his confidence. He was clearly struggling in life with his father being in jail and mother juggling 4+ kids. No, it wouldn't be fair to assume I would let him win, but it would have been a gift that I could have given him that would have meant more to him than to me. You see, if life was fair, he wouldn't need a win to feel worth while. If life was fair, his daddy would have been present in his life and he wouldn't need to turn to hyperactivity to get the attention he craved. I was blessed. I had two parents and a sheltered life. Life isn't fair. He got the short end of the stick and I could have let him have the win just that once. Because in reality the more "unfair" you live your life, the more of an impact you are making in the lives of others. The more you sacrifice your fairness, the more you allow others to have a win when they may be craving it the most. And that is a sacrifice worth making.
Several years ago I was so impressed by a middle school boy on a field trip who let his opponent beat him in Scrabble because he knew it would make his friend feel good. That young man went up several notches in my eyes that day.
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